I was out trying a new restaurant this week when I ran into friends while I was waiting to get a table. I asked them what was good on the menu since they had eaten here several times before.
My friend looks at me and said Well I don’t know what kind of diet you are on now?
I just smiled and said, I eat it all.
It was a fair question though. I know I have tried many things – vegetarian, vegan, south beach, fat loss eating, gluten free, primal, paleo, etc and written about those things on this page and my personal page. I probably even got a little preachy with it at times. (Sorry!)
I get why I did all that. I have had a life time of feeling fat, bingeing and deeply believing that I cannot trust myself around food.
So I had to have a food plan. And when that plan didn’t work I had to have another food plan… and another food plan…etc
Like many experiences in life, I guess I had to go through all those plans to be where I am today.
A few years ago, I was lucky to work with Jill Coleman, find Geneen Roth‘s work and then this past year find the ETF (Eat the Food) group through Go Kaleo and – all of these people put me on a different path. This path feels amazing although some times scary. There is no good or bad food. There is just food. I make decisions based on what makes me feel good, what nourishes me, what tastes good and what I like. I have had to take time to practice being in touch with what is going on in my heart and mind and deal with those things instead of turning to food to solve a problem. I have spent time practicing trusting me again.
I panicked earlier this year and just wanted myself to “get it together!” I hired some one to write me a food plan. Wow did that not go well. I did not respond well to trying to follow some one else’s rules and eating in ways that just felt horrible to me. I immediately packed on 5 lbs.
I am back on my own path of no plan. The path of trusting myself, figuring out what works well for me, what nourishes and fuels me to do what I love, what brings me peace, what brings me joy, of taking up space instead of always feeling like I need to be smaller. I don’t need to me smaller, I just need to be the best me that I can be. Yes, I still stumble, yes I still get fearful, yes I still binge on occasion. I am not perfect (WTF is that anyway? :D) I am human and this is my journey.
Love who you are. Eat the food. Love your life.