You are awesome.
You are worthy of being strong.
You are worthy of being healthy.
You are worthy of being happy. NOW.
You are worthy of the space you take up.
You have value.
Your voice has power. Speak up. Its ok to ask for what you want. Its ok to live life the way you want to even if that looks different from what ever one else is doing.
However you are exactly right now in this moment is perfect.
In December 2013, I participated in the TedXRVA Women’s event in Richmond, VA.
I was so thrilled to be a part of this event. How powerful to be included in a group full of amazing women with fabulous stories to tell. How exciting to be in a room full of people willingly wanting to have the deeper conversations. Really just an experience I will never forget and deeply grateful to be a part of.
My talk was on the power of the scale. How for some of us it can dictate what kind of day we will have and how we feel about ourselves. There is another way.
Here is the video to the talk here.
Would love to hear your feed back on the talk and what your experience with the scale is.
I want to be put on a food plan.
No I don’t.
Wait! Yes, I do! Some one tell me what and when to eat!
No, I know what to do!
WAIT! I am not making progress fast enough! I need some one to tell me and it will be THE magical solution!!
(Is that familiar to any one besides me? :D )
Dan John has said that moderation isn’t sexy. It doesn’t sell.
I agree with his statement BUT I think in this life of extremes, moderation is the better story.
Better? Is that the right word? Maybe more realistic?
- What sounds better, the months that you did day after day of crazy, exhausting stuff in the gym only to be burned out and injured in a few months or that you did something every day- showed up consistently worked the five basics of human movement and had energy at the end to be awesome in other area of your life outside the gym?
- What sounds better that I held it together for a few months of a crazy defined random rules diet and maybe got some spectacular results but then binged and lost control once I got through that and gained all the weight back versus consistently maximizing eating what I like AND makes me feel good and perform well, maximizing eating when I am hungry and minimizing eating when I am not?
I some times feel apologetic that I am not doing more EXTREME things for not trying to work out MORE or paleo HARDER. Even though I panic some times and still struggle with wanting things to be different, I am happier finding my own way, figuring out what works best for me and keeping a balance with it all.
I lift a couple of times a week. I walk and stand as often as I can. I eat proteins, carbs and fats through out the day – food that fuels me and tastes good. Its a new approach but I feel good and am making the kinds of progress that I want to see… albeit slowly. Sexy and steady.
What is your story?
Me and my moderate self finding happiness in the sunshine and grass
I have discussed on my blog previously that I some times struggle with depression.
Depression. I guess that it is the word for it. It makes appearances in my lift now and then. I get bouts of real lows, big sadness for no apparent reason. Illogically, it makes me angry that I go through this. I rant and rave that its not fair, that I should feel differently and it really puts me in anguish to spend a minute of my precious life moments feeling this way. It feels as though I am wasting life time away.
In talking to friends this weekend about being in this space, a friend of mine says its hard to remember that in all of those gray clouds there is blue sky beyond it. Meaning of course that it all will pass eventually and things will be better. I added, “and it does no good to sit there and yell at the clouds.”
Which I do.
I don’t know how many times I will need to learn the lesson of allowing what is to just be. Suffice to say it will be a lot. I know when I am calmer and just allow what ever is, to just be…its better….even if that means I don’t feel better in the moment. The ranting and raving and yelling against what I am feeling does nothing but dig me in deeper and wasting a lot of energy.
I don’t know that I can articulate yet the difference between wallowing and allowing. I often picture inviting the depression, the sadness, the anger to tea, sitting with it, allowing it and investigating with kindness (Thank you to both Rumi and Tara Brach for those tools!). As odd as that might sound, it allows me space between the sadness and myself. That space allows me to breathe and not be consumed by it all.
So. Here is to more practice and inviting it all to tea. :)
Stop with the I can’t.
“I can’t fit in these pants.”
“I can’t be happy at this weight.”
“I can’t find time to do what I love”
“I can’t do anything about my stress in my life.”
What CAN you do today?
Pick ONE little change to work on and to master to make your life better.
Getting more protein. A 10 minute walk. A bed time routine that doesn’t include a smartphone or other electronics. 1 minute of deep breathing several times a day. Anything! Start small. Love who you are.
You get so many opportunities to make the choice to love yourself or not, to treat yourself with kindness or meanness.
The opportunity to practice literally comes at you in every moment:
Each bite of food.
Each touch of your stomach and wishing it were different.
Each glance in the mirror.
Each step on the scale.
Each time you button your pants or pull on a shirt.
Each time your head touches the pillow.
With each thought that you wake with.
Each time you look at a body you envy.
Each time you hear a compliment.
Each time you hear disparaging remarks.
Each time you get “helpful” advice.
Each time you move your body in ways that you love.
Each time when it doesn’t feel good to move your body.
With each breath.
With each moment.
So many times to make a choice. Remember it is always a choice. Even when it feels awkward or fake at first. The more you do it the better you get so PRACTICE often!!
Sacred seems to be an important word for me at the moment.
It all started when the I saw a picture in the Eat The Food group that talked about eating being a sacred activity.
Then I bought some sheets and they included a little print that said sleep is sacred and so are you.
It got my brain turning. I wanted to try and bring that feeling of “sacred” to as many moments as I could. To the gym, to running errands, to getting coffee, to those mundane moments in life. It’s those kinds if moments that make up most of our life time. And one day they will stop. There will be a last time we chat with some one, drive that certain route, go through that check out line, experience everything that we currently experience. So I want to savor it, ALL of it.
When I say sacred, for me, I don’t mean religious or super naturally divine, but special and awe-inspiring in its own right. It takes being present and open in THIS moment.
So bringing the sacred to the day to day will be one of my practices for 2014. ️
I am sorry, body. I haven’t been very kind recently. I let that stupid scale play mind games with me again, as if it is some kind of an assessment of what kind of person I am. I allowed it to (falsely) confirm that deep fear we all have of not being good enough.
I have been struggling as the seasons change to find something in my closet that fits, so therefore, I slipped back to desperately wishing you were different, body. That is not very nice of me. You do so much for me. You are healthy – (I can hear, see, breathe, move, ponder, eat, have sex, drink wine and coffee, love on my friends and family ) which allows me to enjoy so many amazing things that life has to offer. Ahhh – Thank you!!
As you can see, I have had lots of new practice opportunities recently that push me up against feeling that I am not good enough as I am.
At first I get angry about it. “Dammit! Am I here AGAIN?” Yes, because there is still more to learn here.
Then I fight it “I SHOULDN’T feel this way!!” But I do.
Then I sit with it, allow it and investigate with kindness. (Tools I picked up from Tara Brach). It is only then do I find peace. Only then can I learn.
“Acceptance of what is can be wonderfully liberating, but it can also create a great deal of inner peace and harmony. This is an incredibly difficult concept for a society that is constantly assaulting us with messages that most of us need some kind of a ‘makeover.’ Not a day goes by without some ad telling us that we should be thinner, more successful, find our soul mate, be happier or live longer. These messages make it increasingly more difficult to simply ‘BE.’ I love to consider ways of improving myself, but there comes a point where we have to realize that we simply can’t improve everything about our lives. In fact some of how we look and act make us uniquely different from one another. Those who really care about you will enjoy who you are, as you are.” — Loretta LaRoche
Acceptance of who you are right now in the moment can be scary to people. Hell, It is still scary to me at times. I know how it was for me when I first started the practice of accepting and loving who I am regardless of my measurements or pants size. As I have talked before on this blog, it felt like if I accepted who I am right now then the only choice I had was sitting on the couch eating junk food since I was no longer training in an insane way a ripped physique. If I wasn’t doing one then I HAD to be doing the other.
Accepting where you are and who you are is not giving up. That is resignation. Take a look at the definitions:
- the quality or state of being accepted or acceptable
- the act of accepting : the fact of being accepted : approval
- especially : to give (oneself) over without resistance <resigned herself to her fate
- to give up deliberately;especially: to renouce (As a right or position) by a formal act
Can you feel the difference in those? Most people feel, at least at first, that if I am loving who I am now then I am resigning myself to always being that person. It is not true.
The acceptance brings care versus neglect, tenderness instead of harsh words, understanding vs ignoring inner wisdom.
Love and accept who you are RIGHT NOW in this moment (even if you are bloated, dirty, having a bad hair day, your jeans don’t fit well, cranky or whatever!). You are so worthy of your love and acceptance. It is from THAT beautiful space that transformation can really take place. <3
That phrase has been my mantra recently. I am not even sure where I found it or how it first came into my mind but I have really taken to it and enjoy the effect it has. It opens some space between what I am feeling and who I am… if that makes any sense. I can get miserable about my round stomach but I can breathe and say “I am ok exactly as I am in this moment” and that misery loosens its grip a little. I can see that while I am unhappy, I am OK. We talk a lot on Zen Barbell about loving who you are always. This is a tool that helps develop that habit.
“My stomach is too fat.” I am ok exactly as I am in this moment. Breathe. Yes I AM ok. (Now there is some space)
“I miss my husband so very much I feel like I can stand it another second.” I am ok exactly as I am in this moment. Breathe. Yes I AM ok. (Now there is some space)
“I am frustrated, stressed and don’t understand what is going on right now.” I am ok exactly as I am in this moment. Breathe. Yes I AM ok. (Now there is some space)
“I am so tired I don’t think I can take another step.” I am ok exactly as I am in this moment. Breathe. Yes I AM ok. (Now there is some space)
“I feel great right now.” I am ok exactly as I am in this moment. Breathe. Yes I AM ok. (Now there is some space) I like using it in positive moments as well as moments of struggle. It feels like a positive reenforcement of this statement.
Try it out. Let me know what you notice. :)