One of my new years resolutions was to stop bitching out of habit. I had kind of let it slide but recently noticed it again. I have found myself complaining about things to create a little drama perhaps, to get attention, or sometimes because it is what you are supposed to do (like the weather, or traffic or lines in a store… even if I don’t really mind what is happening.)
I will hear myself complaining about something but when I really check in with myself in the moment I realize it is no big deal. It is a weird spot to be in. If I don’t complain here, will I seem weird? Everyone else seems to complain about these things so it is ok, right?
I feel worse if I can tell I am doing it to have an effect somehow like sympathy or attention. Ugh. I don’t like that. I don’t like how it makes me feel. I wonder then if I don’t complain here, will I get my need for wanting some attention met? Or how else could I do it? I am needing something and I might not know what so I throw a complaint out there just to see what response I get. I don’t like the realization that I am doing it. I don’t want to be known as a complainer. I don’t want to be known as some one who creates drama. But much like gossip it feels like a complusion and part of it feels good in my brain.
As is often the case, the solution seems to be slow down and breathe. Be mindful of the words about to come out of my mouth and make a different choice. I can recognize and allow for the routine of complaining or the need for sympathy and attention but I make a different choice on how that shows up. On how I show up.