I am ending the war with myself. There are no more battles. I am not going to battle the bulge, fight cravings, have a war on carbs, armor up for another day. I am not going to make myself submit through berating, complaining, shaming. I am not declaring Armageddon on the scale or my jeans. I am not beating myself up for decisions, for choices, for stumbling, for being less than perfect. I am putting down all of my weapons which are only aimed at myself anyway.
Do you hear it too in your own words or when talking with friends? The “at war” language? Listen for talk about getting up and fighting another day to not hate who you are, to not hate your body, to do battle in the gym for food that was eaten, to battle with yourself about food and discipline, to keep yourself in line with a diet. As if some how this behavior, the war will finally make you worthy or enough.
It is exhausting. I am worn out and battle weary. The war is done. I am tired of that path.
Are you tired?
Don’t think for a second that I have I given up. I am not resigned. I have this one life that I want to live completely and fully. I am simply choosing a different path.
I am choosing peace. I am choosing kindness. I am choosing curiosity. I am choosing mindfulness. I am going to offer kindness to myself when I feel that prickly sensation of discontent of my body, that familiar pull of “you should be smaller.” I am doing to pay attention to what my body wants for fuel and how much it needs. I am going to savor the food that I am lucky enough to have on my plate – aware of all of the lives and labor that had to come together to make it all happen. I am going to get curious when I feel the need to binge or the dread of “I should be different.” What is really going on there? What am I really needing at the moment?
Do you think you are ready to stop the war and try some kindness?