This is the first in a three part series on my journey with food sharing where I started, my turning points and what I practice now. Shared in hopes of helping others that are tired of the food rules, compulsive eating and not trusting your own body to know what it needs.
Where I started:
Have you ever sat back and thought about food through out your life? What you have believed (or may still believe), what you have tried, how you have been with food?
I did this recently and realized that I have been all over the map with food that makes up my diet. Growing up there was nothing too crazy just standard American fare. We didn’t eat out a lot and Mom cooked most meals. I don’t know that I was too aware of food rules – other than don’t snack too close to dinner to ruin your appetite and do not ask for a second piece of cake.
Starting in my early/mid 20s, I was high carb (or perhaps some days ALL carb: cereal for breakfast, pasta for lunch, pizza for dinner and coke all through out the day). I was vegetarian for 2 years and vegan for about 30 days. I was low-carb in the mid-90s before it was even cool. 🙂 In my 30s and into my 40s, I was gluten free for three years and paleo for most of that as well. (BTW, for me Paleo + Crossfit = 30b weight GAIN!) I have seen nutritionists and diet coaches. I did a figure competition prep diet for about six months as well. The only system I didn’t try was weight watchers. I am not sure why except it seemed like a lot of effort to figure out points and maybe I didn’t like the group weigh in and meetings either.
I have had a lot of time in my life with rules around foods, lists of things that I could or could not eat. Rules that have consistently shifted through out the years. Diet rules set by other people for me to follow. Rules to which I gave up my power and responsibility over my food. Rules that made me believe that I could not be trusted to know what was good for me, to know what my body wanted, to know what I needed. On top of that insanity and/or maybe BECAUSE of that insanity, I have been a mental mess with food as well.
I am a big compulsive eater. A binge eater. Or I was. I spent so much of my life eating through, over and around my emotions and things I didn’t want to deal with. At my heaviest, I was several years post-pregnancy, in a marriage that I didn’t want, deeply depressed, and desperately trying to figure out who I was and how to handle my life and motherhood. Its no wonder I got bigger and bigger. Food was the only relief and comfort I felt like I had.
What do you notice when you look back through your life? What have your food rules been? How are your emotions with food?