Being Kind To Yourself When You Don’t Feel Like It

This is an in the moment blog post so we will see how this goes.

I woke up angry. I am not even sure why. Some small stupid stuff happened that made me feel small. My inner monologue this morning is “I should have made better decisions. I should have paid attention. I should have been better.”  Also, I was up in the middle of the night and not getting sleep makes me very cranky.

Whiny. Cranky. Angry. 

Part of me wants to give in an throw myself a big pity party.

However that is not my practice. My practice is being kind to myself always.  I don’t feel like it and I don’t want to  – or at least part of me doesn’t  – but its what I am committed to.


Here is what I am doing:

  1. Take a deep breath. Take another one. (Repeat as needed, until you feel a wee bit more calm and present)
  2. Allow for what ever emotion is here. Accept and recognize it. I like to name it and see where it shows up in my body. (Anger, frustration, fear – black and boiling and rolling around in my stomach and making my body tense. )
  3. Tell yourself “Oh Sweetheart. Tell me all about it.” I know this might sound odd but the more I practice it the more I love it. You can find another phrase that works for you, of course.  I find this phrase allows a greater, calmer, more compassionate me to listen to all of the emotion and need going on inside like a kind adult taking time to console an upset child.

This is opposed to what I want to say to myself this morning which is “dammit, snap the fuck out of it. You know better to than to be feeling this way. You are stupid. You are wasting time feeling this way. Just get over it.”  This feels normal and natural to most of us but its not the kind way.

I feel offering your self kindness always allows us to fully process and deal with what is going on in a kind, safe way.  The feelings don’t magically go away but I do feel more space, more openness PLUS I have spent time building myself up, supporting myself in a loving way rather than tearing myself down. That is a win. Practiced again and again over time it is very powerful.

Enjoy your beautiful day!