This is a pretty personal share but as this page is all about present mind, strong body, better life I figured I would jump on in and share.
It occurred to me recently, that it has been four months since I have felt the depths, the dark of depression. When I am at those low moments I am completely over come with the feeling that I desperately want to be some one else. I feel like I need a complete reboot because there is no way I am ok as I am. Its a terrible feeling to not feel ok as you are, who you are. I am guessing that many of you can relate.
Upon reflecting on the absence of that, I also realized I no longer believe I am broken human being.
I have really connected with the fact that I am human, not perfect but wonderfully alive. It has changed so many things in my life – in small, yet meaningful ways.
I am celebrating all of that!
What does this mean for me on a day to day basis?
- For me, this realization has translated into better self care. Who wants to take care of body, brain, self that is broken and not good enough? I am choosing clothes that fit me and make me feel happy. I am taking more time to read books and have experiences that make me think and grow. I get silly with myself in the mirror checking out who I am and this cool, strong body.
- My body doesn’t need to be punished with exercise, it gets celebrated with movement that makes me happy. (And running. haha!) I go for leisure walks more often. I get up and lift because I love it and not because I have to be or do anything different. I am running a bit at the moment and approaching it with big gratitude.
- My body doesn’t need to get punished with food. I eat what I want, when I am hungry in a mindful way. I fuel the best I can to enjoy the process and to give me what I need to do what I love.
- My mind doesn’t get battered (as much!) with stories of the past or concerns about the future. I am more present in each moment. Savoring the details, the mundane, the everything.
- I am able to hear the “Not good enough” inner monologue more quickly and shut down the narratives that don’t suit me, that aren’t true, that bring suffering.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because I want you to get an idea of what it feels like to not operate from a space of “I need to be fixed”.