More chances to practice. (I am sorry, body)

I am sorry, body. I haven’t been very kind recently.  I let that stupid scale play mind games with me again, as if it is some kind of an assessment of what kind of person I am. I allowed it to (falsely) confirm that deep fear we all have of not being good enough.

I have been struggling as the seasons change to find something in my closet that fits, so therefore, I slipped back to desperately wishing you were different, body. That is not very nice of me.  You do so much for me. You are healthy – (I can hear, see, breathe, move, ponder, eat, have sex, drink wine and coffee, love on my friends and family ) which allows me to enjoy so many amazing things that life has to offer. Ahhh – Thank you!!

As you can see, I have had lots of new practice opportunities recently that push me up against feeling that I am not good enough as I am.

At first I get angry about it. “Dammit! Am I here AGAIN?”  Yes, because there is still more to learn here.

Then I fight it “I SHOULDN’T feel this way!!”  But I do.

Then I sit with it, allow it and investigate with kindness. (Tools I picked up from Tara Brach).   It is only then do I find peace. Only then can I learn.