My Inner Voice is a Bitch

Does any of this narrative sound familiar?

Why would you think you could do THAT?

Who do you think you are?

You are just going to fail AGAIN.

Of course, you are bingeing again. You will never be different.

Ouch. What a bitch. I wouldn’t let any person talk to me that way.  Why do I allow myself?

How aware of you of the voice the chatters in your head all day long? In what manner does it speak to you? Is it kind and encouraging? I am guessing for many people the answer is no. That voice can be mean, ugly, shaming, berating and complaining.

I know for years that inner voice kept me feeling not good enough. Its what kept my identity tied to the number on the scale and the size of my jeans. It is what never allowed me to acknowledge any kind of success and kept me from trying things that I wanted to try. It kept me small and didn’t like me playing bigger in the world than it thought I “should”.

It is this self talk that keeps us small. It is a barrier to living life we love fully and being exactly how amazing we need to be in the world.

Here are some steps to shut that bitch down:

1. Recognize and Acknowledge it.  Start tuning into it (this is different than listening to it!) and increase your awareness of how often and what kind of messages you are getting.

2. Separate yourself from it.  I learned this part from Geneen Roth’s work. She just refers to this inner monologue as “The Voice”.  Separating yourself from it means that instead of hearing – “I am not good enough, what makes me think I could do this?”, you begin to hear it as “YOU are not good enough. What makes you think You could do this?” As if some one is yelling at you directly.  For me, this allows some space and clarity about what is going on and I can hear the voice more clearly.

(Edit: I had a comment once I posted this blog where some one told me that “I have learned that I am not my inner voice.”  YES!! So much Yes!! I need to make it clear here that you are NOT this voice. It is years of conditioning and responding to the world that created this voice. You are what is underneath all of this – the kindness, love and amazingness that shows through when this voice is quieted. Its the other reason that learning separation from this highly critical inner voice, so you can get in touch and hear the person that you really are.  )

3. Shut it down.  Geneen talks about telling it (actually YELLING at it) to shut the fuck up. Be as mean to it as it is to you. This needs to be a constant and relentless practice as this voice chatters at us all the time. The more you shut it down and don’t allow it to invade your brain, the more you will be able to stand against it.

That voice has been with us a long time so this practice takes time but it is so worth it.

Why is this worth your time?

Because this voice keeps you playing small. It makes you believe you can never change or be different. It makes you feel like you are not enough as you are. That you are  not enough to:

  • go do what you want to do
  • to speak up
  • to allow for self care
  • for a good relationship
  • for care and love for yourself and others

When you can quiet this voice, you can hear what is beyond that. Your power, your passion and energy. Your worth.

“Oh yeah, I do feel afraid to try this but I know I want to so lets go!”

“I am worth that new opportunity that I am getting at work.”

“This person is not treating me well and I don’t deserve that.”

“Wow. I need a break and I am going to take a few minutes today for myself.”

Quiet that voice down and find who you are under that.
Quiet that voice down and find who you are under that.

You can feel the fear and take action. That inner voice is not who you truly are. Change does not come from shaming and berating ourselves. When you can shut down this voice, there is FINALLY room for patience and kindness towards yourself.

For me now, I can tune into this chatter more quickly and I can shut it down.  Other times, I only recognize it when I feel less than, not worthy or afraid to try something, then I pause and think oh yeah – the voice.  That bitch. Shut up.

Now go! Be amazing! 😀