Very frequently, I have people say to me “I love your positive self talk stuff but I am terrible with it. I am so mean to myself.”
I’m like thank you but really?! STOP!
Stop being mean to yourself.
It’s possible. I promise!
Somehow we have learned to be ok with being brutal with ourselves as if this makes us better in this world.
I don’t think that is true.
It’s one thing to be firm with yourself and not permit things that you have learned bring you suffering or harm – like a parent not letting a child run into the street.
It’s another to be vicious.
“You are disgusting.” “Who are you to think you deserve this?” “You don’t belong here.” “You are not good enough.” “You are going to fail again.” “Why did you think you could do this, loser?”
Any of that sound familiar ?
That kind of dialog is not ok and not helpful. That mean voice needs to be recognized and stopped. Learn to be kind to yourself. It’s from there that acceptance and change can take place. Be relentless in your kindness to yourself. Figure it out like it is your job. It is your job because no one is going to do this for you.
How? You practice and you practice and you practice. A million times over. Life will give you plenty of opportunities to practice, I promise. You notice and you make a different choice until it becomes habit. It doesn’t even matter that you sometimes forget. What is important is that you remember and come back.
You don’t have time to keep living that unkindness, that viciousness. Do you really want to be in your later years (if you are lucky to live to old age) and still be mean to yourself? Still hating pictures of yourself? Still berating yourself? Still wishing to your core that you are somehow better or different? Still thinking you are not worthy?
Live now. Have peace now. Love who you are now. Be relentlessly kind now.