I have discussed on my blog previously that I some times struggle with depression.
Depression. I guess that it is the word for it. It makes appearances in my lift now and then. I get bouts of real lows, big sadness for no apparent reason. Illogically, it makes me angry that I go through this. I rant and rave that its not fair, that I should feel differently and it really puts me in anguish to spend a minute of my precious life moments feeling this way. It feels as though I am wasting life time away.
In talking to friends this weekend about being in this space, a friend of mine says its hard to remember that in all of those gray clouds there is blue sky beyond it. Meaning of course that it all will pass eventually and things will be better. I added, “and it does no good to sit there and yell at the clouds.”
Which I do.
I don’t know how many times I will need to learn the lesson of allowing what is to just be. Suffice to say it will be a lot. I know when I am calmer and just allow what ever is, to just be…its better….even if that means I don’t feel better in the moment. The ranting and raving and yelling against what I am feeling does nothing but dig me in deeper and wasting a lot of energy.
I don’t know that I can articulate yet the difference between wallowing and allowing. I often picture inviting the depression, the sadness, the anger to tea, sitting with it, allowing it and investigating with kindness (Thank you to both Rumi and Tara Brach for those tools!). As odd as that might sound, it allows me space between the sadness and myself. That space allows me to breathe and not be consumed by it all.
So. Here is to more practice and inviting it all to tea. 🙂